Total Silence
by Eliisea
Summary: A young Middie Une tries to find the ideal life, working as a thief. When her old lover shows up, the total silence is at hand. (read and review please...disclaimer, don't own GW, Trowa fans, read at your own risk)do not read till 10/21
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 People come and people go, I have seen many and I know how it feels to have some one pushed out of your life. It seems like there was a point where life was meaningful and the next second there would be rapid gasps of air for dear life. I have seen the point and I have experienced the point of total silence.  
  
He acted like he didn't notice me that day, my partner in crime, Dominic. I knew that the only thing I could have done was fend for myself. Fend for something that never existed, my life. It was the least I could have done since I did have an ill father and 3 brothers to protect. It was the least, and I would have died earlier but even death had ways of cheating at me.  
  
"Listen, Middie, I know you would give two shits for this thing you call trust and remorse...but I wouldn't." He sputtered at me with a cigarette butt poking out of the black hole etched on his face.  
  
"Whatever."  
  
"Listen you little bitch, if you want the money you're going to have to steal from the bank eventually. Pickpocketing is the first step, he paused and threw his cigarette butt from the window of the driver's seat, obviously we were in a car, I don't know if you can make a decent living off o' people's wallets."  
  
"Listen Dominic, it's fucking bad enough I have to steal to defend my family, but stealing from the bank is even worse than pickpocketing."  
  
He pointed at a silver encrusted emblem shining brightly ontop of a blue and gold sign,the bank sign, then pulled out another cigarette from his pocket and shoved it in his mouth. A light of a flame flickered in front of my eyes as he put it up to the back end of the cigarette. The light flickered for a few seconds and absorbed the cluster of tar. I rolled my eyes as I saw his face flicker with the same evil delight as the demon about on his lips.  
  
"Ok Middie Une, what do you want to steal today?"  
  
I rolled my eyes and looked out from the passenger's seat with a sad look dripping from my eye lids, "Nothing, I just want to die."  
  
"Good." I felt a hard metal touch the side of my head.  
  
"Go a head fire, I wanted to lift the burden anyway." I felt a sharp thrust hit the side of my head. Yet, no red draping seeping from my head.  
  
"Sorry Miss Une, but I am out of bullets."  
  
"Just fucking great...." I said with a sigh, not just a normal sigh though. A deep and sad sigh. As I have said before, death cheats at me.  
  
"Get out."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Get the fucking hell out! I don't want you working with me if you're going to have hissy fits about dying! Don't tell the police I wanted to shoot you or else I'm gonna come back and next time I'm gonna have bullets!" He floored the car from the parked spot as he pushed me out of it. I hit the ground like a rock and walked a way from my life. My job. The only person who even hung out with me or even gave me a bit of support. It was hard for a man ill and 3 little brothers to give you the extra lift you needed when things looked grim.  
  
I shuffled down the streets with a grim look. I tried to smile again but when life was a road that wouldn't ever end the walk would be long and strenuous.  
  
I passed by a cold looking man with no expression on his face. His eyes were narrow and his hair in a neat bang like fashion. I couldn't help but notice his appearance for he was the tallest among the crowd. The tallest, and wearing an emotionless mask.  
  
A cold breeze brushed between us as I walked and walked not knowing where my next destionation would end up. Where I would be next.  
  
He stopped in the middle of the walk as his rhythm of steps halted. He patted my shoulder gently as if to say hello but his words were limited. I felt speechless, lost in the wind for a second but I shook myself out of my dream and regained concious of what I was doing.  
  
"Uh...hi." He felt familiar almost like someone I had met before in a strange dream someone I had seen before but I couldn't remember past the fog of my pickpocketing days. I remembered....'Wait no name wait!!!!' My memory faded instantly. "No name?"  
  
"Hello again Middie Une, hello again."  
  
"Hello...no name..."  
  
"I do have a name, he paused and shoved his hands in his pockets, Trowa...Trowa Barton."  
  
"Ooh, ummm, hello Trowa." The name triggered in my mind. He wasn't Trowa Barton. Trowa Barton was killed by another and mysteriously reappeared again..."You aren't the real Trowa Barton are you?"  
  
He hesitated, and answered me with a blank stare. I could feel the cold whisk in from the artic winds as we stood in the middle of a busy street staring at each other again for the first time. For the first time the war had ended.  
  
"Where are your transmitters, or did I shoot the last ones?"  
  
"I don't work as a spy anymore. I don't care for it. Not since you left me because of it."  
  
"I didn't leave you because you were a spy. I'm quiet, not shallow. I left because I felt I had to go somewhere. Somewhere far away with a companion." He spoke with no energy in his voice, a monotone. I didn't understand what he had uttered through his cold lips but, I could sense it. I could sense that he was involved with things he shouldn't have known.  
  
It suddenly hit me, Trowa Barton, he was sent to go out to battle in the Gundam Heavy arms...yet he had been rumoured to have been killed. No name, he had taken the Gundam as his own "companion" he had fought for rights and fought for something...thought for something that had never existed. Freedom.  
  
"You were a Gundam pilot weren't you?" I asked with a cold gleam in my eyes. I could feel a chill slip up my spine and into my head. The cold sensation boggled me with a blind sense of being in a secluded area and memories flooding into my head about the Gundams every where on the planet. Everywhere...and causing trouble. Trouble for OZ.  
  
He answered again with silence and looked up at the sky. "It's snowing." I knew it was snowing, I knew it ever since we were talking, he had just wanted to change the conversation. Change where things were going. No where. Yet, I didn't let him.  
  
"Answer me."  
  
"No."  
  
No one had said "no" the way he had said it before in my life. So cold, but with no emotions attached to it like most people said it. He said it like he didn't understand what he was going through himself. He said no like there was no tomorrow and life was just useless. But I had to laugh...he now had a past a life, a name but he missed the most important thing that humans needed. Guilt, which he still did not own. Guilt that hung and leeched from every person's head like a cold did to it's victum. Guilt that ran through a person's veins like that of the crimson liquor.  
  
"Okay, so what have you been up to?"  
  
"Nothing much." It was hard dealing a conversation, when conversation was like talking to a wall. A conversation that lead to no where. But I had always thought that no where was my home, where it was freedom...forever and eternity. No one to bug you or nothing to hold you down, no where seemed like a heaven. Where nothing could hold me back. 


	2. Chapter 2

We walked down the road shuffling through the snow and grinding bits of ice between the bottoms of our shoes. The streets were full and the thought of a once happy christmas blossomed through everyone's mind. It made me happy thinking that I had found my no name again, yet I knew he wasn't the no name I had known so many years ago. He wasn't the same man I had loved before.  
  
"You look cold Middie."  
  
"Freezing."  
  
"C'mon, I'll buy you a coffee." We walked into an open Starbucks. The room was warm and the owner seemed friendly.  
  
"Hi, it's cold isn't it?" The jolly old man chuckled as he held his big belly. I smiled, I needed a smile. Atleast, something to bring my head out of the dirt that held me in like glue. That held onto my guilt, and my feelings.  
  
"Two coffees, how do you take you're coffee Middie?" Trowa asked.  
  
"Black."  
  
"Okay..., Two coffees, one double double and one black."  
  
"Middie, aren't you a little pretense about total bitter coffee?"  
  
"It represents my feelings. I do that sometimes."  
  
"Life isn't always that bad, he said as he gently took the coffee from the man's hands, life is sometimes enjoyable."  
  
"You've changed Trowa, I used to know you as an emotionless man."  
  
"I still am, but my mask has changed from wence it was." I knew he hated answering my comment. I knew that he wasn't into opening up for a person that had delt the death for the only people he knew as a family.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For being a total bitch. For being one."  
  
"I don't get you."  
  
"Trowa I'm sorry! Please remember what I've done. I'm dangerous, I shouldn't hang near you, I'm only a nuisance."  
  
"Middie!"  
  
I left Trowa. I left him because I knew I would only cause a ruckus in his life, I was only trouble for him. I was useless, I was useless like a rag doll to a 16 year old child. I was useless like a sword was to a peacekeeper. I was useless like a bitch was to a man.  
  
This time, I left with the blank response as i shuffled my heels through the street. The snow fluffed in between my every step as I could hear Trowa advancing on me. "Trowa leave me alone."  
  
"Middie, you aren't a nuisance."  
  
"I am!"  
  
"At least have your coffee." He handed me a hot cup of sizzling coffee. It bubbled in my hands as I held it to my lips. I could feel the aroma approaching me and absorbing me. We both sat on a near by bench.  
  
"Middie, why did you do this to yourself?" He asked with warm eyes. He looked directly into mine. I looked away from him so I didn't have to see him looking at me. So I didn't have to face up to the guilt that ate a way at my soul. So I didn't have to look into his eyes again and face up to the fear, the fear of being lost again. To have my barriers broken down by a mere faceless boy that had no feelings.  
  
"Middie, if you're not going to tell me what is wrong with you I guess I'll have to talk to you later. Please call me." He handed me a small crinkled piece of paper. I shoved the sheet into my golden leather jacket pocket and waved good-bye to him.  
  
I looked across the street. It was getting dark and the sky had turned a colour of blue so deep like the sea. The type of blue when you knew it was getting dark as the sun set between the bookstore and the apartment buildings.  
  
Two people hand in hand walked infront of me, I felt tears sliding down my cheeks as the two exchanged a gentle kiss. Trowa, did he mean everything to me or was that just the feeling I got when the guilt was too much for me to handle?  
  
I got up from the bench and continued to walk home. I sighed deeply as the street lights slowly lit the streets. I turned to the shop window beside me, a christmas tree and presents were decked around the towering pine. A bunch of children sat around the tree as a mother and a father positioned a star at the top of the tree. That...that was where, that was where I wanted to be. 


	3. Chapter 3

I finally walked my way back to home. The lights were dimmed as my father lay on top of the sofa.  
  
"Good evening Middie."  
  
"Good evening father."  
  
I could hear the voices of children bustling about in the hallway. My little brothers stood as they squirmed around everywhere.  
  
"Don't tell Middie!" one shouted in a hushed voice.  
  
"Ya, she'll kill us!" another voiced.  
  
"Ah huh a huh a huh!" The other nodded.  
  
"What are you guys up to?"  
  
"Nothing!" If they had expected me to not notice what they were doing they would have been insane. Yet, children had a right to live, as I didn't.  
  
The chocolate smeared across their faces dripped down their cheeks as it melted slowly. I knew that they had been fooling around in the kitchen again, as they were always.  
  
"He said he wanted something tasty!" My youngest brother yelled.  
  
"Hey I thought we were going to keep it a secret!"  
  
"Yeah man, what the fuck is wrong with you?"  
  
"Hey! Don't use that word!" I yelled as I pointed at the oldest of the three.  
  
"You're boyfriend uses it!"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Dominic! Oh yeah by the way he called while you were gone."  
  
"Dominic is not my boyfriend, and what did he say?"  
  
"He said you were fucking dead if you thought you were going to run away from him."  
  
"Middie, are you going to die?" My youngest brother said as his eyes flooded with tears.  
  
Who did that fuckhead think he was scaring my brothers. I didn't run a way from the creep, he kicked me out for having "hissy fits" about dying. I had almost forgot.  
  
"No no no! I'm not going to die okay. Don't worry, I'll figure this out." As if I knew, what to do, I still hadn't taken off my jacket coat and I was already wondering how to get myself out of the mess that had overcome me in only a day.  
  
I put my hand in my pocket and felt a sharp piece of paper. It was Trowa's phone number. I quickly took off my jacket and ran to the phone in the living room.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hello?" It was a female voice that answered me back.  
  
"Umm my name is Middie Une. May I please talk to Trowa?"  
  
"Uh, okay." I could hear the faint voice of a female talking to Trowa.  
  
"Catherine she's my friend don't worry. No she's not going to encourage me to fight. Please! Oh hi Middie!" I couldn't help but giggle, yet I had to wonder who this Catherine was.  
  
"Who's Catherine?"  
  
"Oh, she's just my sister." Relief spun around me as the thought of Trowa having a girlfriend vanished from the banks of my brain.  
  
"Oh neat, hey I just wanted to talk to you about something personal."  
  
"What 'bout?"  
  
"I'll tell you Trowa, but you must promise you won't tell a soul."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"I think...umm I ummm, want to go for a walk some time tomorrow at the mall?"  
  
"Sure, why all the hush hush?"  
  
"No reason." I couldn't possibly tell him about Dominic and how he was going to kill me. Supposidly. He didn't scare me but I needed some one to talk to.  
  
"Alright, what time?"  
  
"What about 6:00 pm?"  
  
"Sure. Talk to you later." He hung up on me as I put down the receiver. I walked down the hallway and saw my father lying on his back. The fire crackled vigorously around in the fireplace as the steel net barriered and caught loose sparks that threatened to jump out of place.  
  
The christmas tree stood tall and high infront of the window of our apartment. My father had put on a cassette of Christmas carols as he slept. I wished that my father would regain his health. It was hard maintaining a life of crime and also keeping a family healthy or atleast the best attempts. 


	4. Chapter 4

I met Trowa in front of the nearest mall. He was dressed in a long trenchcoat as he put his hands in his pockets.  
  
The trenchcoat hung long, even for such a tall man as Trowa.  
  
"Hi Trowa."  
  
"Hey Middie. So what did you have in mind for today?"  
  
"Oh just a little bit of window shopping. If it's okay with you?"  
  
"Oh don't worry about me. I needed a set of new gloves anyway." He was so friendly that day. It had always dawned on me that Trowa was quiet and collective but not today. He was happier. A little more energetic.  
  
We entered the mall slowly as the snow continued to fall from the sky. I breathed out a long puff of white fire as I walked through the Mall doors. It was already dark but many people still crowded the stores in hopes to find the perfect gift before it was already sold out.  
  
"So Middie, what did you want to say on the phone?"  
  
"Nothing..."  
  
"Please, tell me Middie. I know you're lying."  
  
"Listen, Trowa...I don't know if I can tell you. I'm already ashamed of what I've done in the past."  
  
"Middie, I don't care what happened in the past. The past was the past, can't you understand that? If you have a problem tell me."  
  
The smell of cinnamon buns caressed the air with it's light and puffy smell. We were standing right in front of the Cinnabon store that occupied the mall.  
  
"I think someone is going to kill me."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Look, I'm a thief okay! Ever since you left me. Left me because of a dirty mistake I brought you into. I needed some way of surviving! It isn't like I can get another job, I may have a degree in something but no one wants me. The occupations are all taken. I needed another way." With that, I felt tears coming down from my eyes as Trowa held me. I didn't deserve it, but I needed someone to do that as I hugged him back.  
  
"It doesn't matter what you've done before. I'll help you find a job." He said it with the warmest face I had seen on him. I held my breath and continued to walk to streets of the mall.  
  
We stopped for a break. He had bought his gloves and I had bought myself nothing. I didn't deserve it.  
  
We sat infront of a video store to take a slight rest.  
  
"In other news, a rebel force by the name of the Armagedon clan has taken over, former asia and many colonies up in space. Reports have clarified that they have no connections to those of Marimaia Barton or those of Oz. Officials from former Africa believe that their next target are the new colonies in space being built at the time being. Miss Relena Peacecraft is warning the clan to draw back, obviously fighting and conquering is wrong." The television sets mummbled from behind the shop window.  
  
"Middie, I have to fight."  
  
"No Trowa, you can't."  
  
"Earth needs me."  
  
"No they don't, we don't need anymore fighting around here. Relena is right, fighting is wrong."  
  
"Middie, I have to."  
  
"Trowa, the gundams have been burned. They have been destroyed you hear? You can't fight them with just the regular moblie suits!"  
  
"Yes, yes I can."  
  
"Trowa if you want you fight you can. But I won't stand by and watch you. Never." I walked a way from Trowa which I knew was a mistake the second I parted from him. Yet, I wouldn't watch the man I loved fight. No not ever. 


	5. Chapter 5

"Dominic, I told you I won't work with you anymore!" I yelled into the phone.  
  
"Fine Middie Une have it your way. But lemme tell ya, the Armagedon Clan pays rich."  
  
"You're...you're part of the clan?"  
  
"Damn straight. You can't pass up an offer like that now can ya?"  
  
"You bastard, You joined something so wrong. You know that war doesn't solve anything!  
  
"Yeah it does, it keeps up the economy for us "bastards"."  
  
"I won't work with you, work for yourself!"  
  
"Fine you're loss."  
  
I hung up the phone and shrank into the corner. I couldn't, I couldn't work for the Armagedon clan, never, Trowa was trying to fight it.  
  
The sunlight ran through the drapes like water as it crept into the living room. I held my cup of coffee tightly to my lips as I wondered what Trowa was doing. I knew he believed in justice but not when justice was so cruel.  
  
I called Trowa again, no answer. I thought that he was just angry at me but the thought of him and war ran across my mind.  
  
My coffee hit the floor with a great thud, the brown liquid flew in all directions hitting the rug. I hurriedly cleaned up the mess and turned on the television.  
  
"Today in news, the military in an attempt to stop the infestation of Armagedon has sent out troupes to parts all around the world. Including the Gundam pilots. They will set out this morning at 7:45 am, let us hope for the best." The television blasted, my heart almost stopped. Trowa, he had gone, he was gone. He was fighting...fighting for a lost cause.  
  
It was only 7:30.  
  
I quickly buttoned up my coat and ran out into the blistering cold. I hurriedly called a taxi as I told the grim driver to speed up to the military base.  
  
As the yellow car pulled up towards to gates of the base I rushed out only to find the pilots flying into the horizon.  
  
The bright sun blinded my eyes as the wind of the mobile suits pulsated through my hair. I looked up at the sky and yelled out loud. "Trowa!" Yet, he was already gone. Tears fled from my eyes as I rubbed them away with my jacket sleeve. The soft cotton bottoms padded my eyes. It was the only comfort I could give myself.  
  
I had no choice but to head back home. I had no choice. No, I did have a choice. I fled into the Military base as the doors opened for me.  
  
The Military's nurses air ship had not set out yet. They were still signing in nurses, I ran towards the ship.  
  
"Excuse me miss are you going to attend this flight?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Good, we need more nurses." It was abnormal for a nurse to accept total strangers aboard a ship. Yet, I knew that people had to be more trustworthy, or else the war would never end.  
  
I sat beside a window as the ship set off. I could over hear the other nurses talking about how the war had ended so soon and started again. I cursed those of the Armagedon Clan and cursed the bad name of Dominic.  
  
We arrived late in the night as soldiers were rushed into the tents that the others had set up.  
  
Lost bodies were rushed from the depts of space and those who were not found had no chance to live. I knew that Trowa had probably set out with the other Gundam pilots. They were stationed to fight on Earth and not in space.  
  
The ship that we were housed in flew into every zone where the fighting was and it was very late when we arrived where the Gundam pilots were stationed.  
  
The cold wind flew into my hair and lifted each tendril into the midnight breeze. I waited for the ship to land and for the nurses to bring each of the pilots in. I waited and waited for Trowa to come onto the ship. Hoping that he was safe. This was the last ship that would bring the pilots home.  
  
Suddenly I saw a shadow in the distance. Trowa? He limped with a bad leg hampering him for walking well. I rushed towards him as he collapsed to the ground.  
  
I picked him up.  
  
"Middie?" His words were weak and his breath was raspy.  
  
"Trowa! Don't speak. You'll hurt yourself!"  
  
"No Middie, it's over. I'm over. The guy hit me with a big punch. Send me flying. Out of my suit." He coughed, but not only his words. Drops of blood dripped from the sides of his mouth.  
  
"No Trowa, you're not over. This is the ship where all the nurses are."  
  
"Middie, I...I'm sorry I fought."  
  
"You damn better be. You fought! I told you..." tears flooded in my eyes as I held them as tightly as I could.  
  
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, for everything."  
  
"So am I!"  
  
"Middie, I'm sorry I didn't tell you eariler, how I felt about you...I love you."  
  
"Trowa! I know you do. Trowa, I love you too! I always have. Trowa!"  
  
"This is the way I always wanted to die, with an angel...looking over me." I could feel his back relax. Yet, it was in the most chilling way I had ever felt. I rushed to feel his pulse. Nothing...  
  
I could feel my pupils dialate and my breath grow short. Suddenly a din of memories flooded my mind and my eyes grew swollen.  
  
"Trowa, Wake up! Trowa! This isn' funny Trowa! Damn it! Wake up! Trowa!!!" Tears flooded down the sides of my cheeks and onto Trowa. It was totally silent, but not the total silence, for I could hear the sounds of foot steps looming towards me.  
  
"I knew it, he would live a soldier die a soldier. He will be forgotten just like the others." I didn't turn around for I knew it was Dominic. Dominic had probably hopped an air ship just to arrive where all the action was, where all the death was.  
  
"Shut up! He'll never be forgotten you dirty bastard. You dirty fucking bastard! I'll make sure of it! I'll make damn sure of it!"  
  
"Sure you will. See you later bitch, I gots me some "spying" to do." The thought suddenly hit me. Dominic probably wasn't a petite thief after all, no way could a petite thief pay for an expensive porche like Dominic had. He was a spy all along for the Armagedon Clan.  
  
"You bastard, you were spying on me the whole time. You got him killed!"  
  
Dominic turned and gave an evil laugh. The laugh echoed around the mountains. "So what if I did, besides, I love you Middie...I told you that you shouldn't have left me."  
  
"You said I would die, not him!"  
  
"Maybe I did, I said that you're fucking dead, but you know you are fucking dead without your pretty boy looking out for you. See you around tootz." He walked a way into the distance with a cigarette pinned on his mouth. I held my breath and picked up Trowa's lifeless body towards the ship.  
  
Life was meaningless. 


	6. Ending

I attended Trowa's funeral and met all the Gundam Wing pilots that had known him before. They were all very good friends and I was glad that Trowa lived a happy life. Towards the closest year of his death.  
  
The funeral ended quickly for there were many others waiting for service. The war had ended up in flames of evil like I knew. Tears flew from my eyes watching my lover go 6 ft. under the ground. The funeral had come to an end.  
  
The day was Christmas, Christmas day. My only lover had died on the happiest day in the world. When everything was happy.  
  
My black dress flew in the wind as I walked up the stairs to the tallest building in the city. I held my breath and closed my eyes. My life was not worth living anymore. It was finally starting to make sense. Why my life was how it was. I had someone to talk to someone that felt the same way I did. All taken a way in an instant.  
  
I could hear the bustling sound of traffic and people walking and talking from all the way up on the building. The din of noise pulsated through my mind.  
  
I walked up to the edge of the building, I was going to end my life. Now and forever. This was the time to end it. I was going to run a way from everything. I was going to run a way from my family, my job and my guilt.  
  
I sharply leaned to make up jump and I knew it was it. The total silence was approaching as the people and the cars muted themselves. Trowa, I'm finally going to be with you forever.  
  
Flashes bombarded my mind with the glow of sudden happiness scattered around my thoughts. The happiness absorbed my thoughts as I thought of Trowa with me forever. My wishes finally granted and the feeling of emptiness washed away forever. I was going to be free.  
  
I gently let myself lean forward as the breeze shuffled at my hair.  
  
A sharp electric shock flew through my bones. The building had created a force field around itself...probably to protect people on top of the building.  
  
The total silence faded a way as the cars and people started to live again. I felt a tear seep through my heart. I was forced to come back to somewhere I didn't want to be. 


End file.
